I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
