Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize