I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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