he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
