I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize