and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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