fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
