What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
i think my cat just said my name.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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