so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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