We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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