I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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