I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
