3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
