That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize