Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
