My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
