she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
