these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
