Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
