We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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