Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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