I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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