The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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