She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
