Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
