if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
