apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
