He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wear drunk well.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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