glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
