apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
