i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
