Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I came so hard my ears popped.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
