Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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