My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
