Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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