I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize