So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
