I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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