I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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