So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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