Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
