Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
