Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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