i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
