..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
