just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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