you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
