I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
