It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
