I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize