Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
