what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
