She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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