I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
