i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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