jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
