Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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