Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
