Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
