The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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