Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
