I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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