through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you never un-have a 4some
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
