He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
