Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
