we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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