Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
