so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
