Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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