She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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