i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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