Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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