we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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