it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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