i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
