are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
